Hi, People of the Year!

So I don't usually post two things in one day, but this is just TOO RETARDED to wait.

Time has selected a person of the year. Who is it? Kim Jong II for threatening to blow up the world? Bush and his gang for continuing to not recall the troops? Of even Zhang Ziyi for making her way into Hollywood blockbusters with little to no English? No, none of the above. The Person of the Year is someone we all know very well: You. That is, the fine print says that this only applies if you've contributed something to the internet. But that's every one of us, right? Hey of course it is. And even if it isn't, give yourself a pat on the back anyway, because the people at Times Magazine love you all, even if you're mentally retarded and has no idea what the internet even is. That's okay, because you've probably unconciously submitted stuff to the internet anyway, as in a person in your household may have posted a webcam picture with you in the background, or you may have influenced some grand research in some way.

You know how friggin obvious it is that it's all like a fancy publicity stunt, sucking up the readers and the population in general to get them to buy or subscribe to a magazine that has long exceeded its natural lifespan?

Or maybe, you're just doing this because you're too scared to offend those political figures who have power over you just because they're political figures. After all, if they're so self-centered that they think they deserve Person of the Year more than any of the other 6.5 billion people in the world, then surely they all get mad at you for not recognizing you for it? I mean, if you're so dim as to not realize they deserve this recognition, what point does your magazine have anymore? But hey, you can't offend anybody if you honor EVERYBODY, now can you? Unless of course you offend everybody because they're all upset that you thought they wouldn't see right through your little trick.

Oh and look. It's a YouTube video player. Isn't that a little biased towards YouTube? I mean, the world wide web is not amock with little emo depressed junkie lonely kids with hormone running all over the place and nothing better to do than confess their sorrows and their eternal love for so-and-so to their webcam and put it up for all to see online. I contribute to the Internet, I enjoy editing video, but lo! I never go on YouTube unless someone has something to show me. AND HELL FREEZES OVER! Cuz that's obviously what Times thinks. They don't appreciate the common Internet user at all. No, they're mocking us. We're obviously all using the magic of webcams and windows movie maker to make professionalish videos for our MySpace pages and our LavaLife profiles and to fill the empty gap that is our social life, because why the friggin else would we be on the Internet obsesively anyway? Unless of course, we're not actually on the internet obsessively. Unless it's just an illusion because we are so much more efficient at getting things done than you are.

But back to Times Magazine naming "You" as Person of the Year. I'm not the only one who looks at it negatively. In fact, I find it hard to imagine how anyone can look at it positively. Like what people said on the Boston.com boards. They asked what people thought about being Person of the Year, whether they thought they deserved it, so and so forth. One person was quite frank. "I did [deserve it]. Thanks." Someone else wrote: "Send the check ASAP. Thanks." Yet another person skipped the sarcasm and wrote: "If I had a subscription to Time, I would cancel it immediately. Pathetic choice."

And here's the gem of the batch:

I am grateful for this award. Thank you, Time! I would also like to thank the Bush Administration, who threw our country into the quagmire of a civil war, gave our soldiers precious little to work with, and fanned the flames of the type of extremism they were merely pretending to put out (among other grave missteps) and prompted millions of us to get online, make a stand and say, "Enough is enough! Bring our troops home and restore trust and accountability to our federal gov't!" Yes, it looks like 2007 is going to be a better year. And also thanks to my internet service provider for being a good sport and making it easy for me to carry out my patriotic duty to preserve the First Amendment.

It's really kinda sad, when you think about it. And the irony is that, all of these satirical and sarcastic comments reflect Time's excuse for choosing "You" in the first place.